The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
