My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
