did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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