pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
