He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
