yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
