so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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