you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
