oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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