You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
