there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
