Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
