i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
