What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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