I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
