Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
