I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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