Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
