Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
