is your mom at the bar?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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