I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
