If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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