this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
