You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
