I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
