I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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