is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
