After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
