glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
