I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
