The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
