Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i've created a new STD.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
