I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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