you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
