living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
