I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
