Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I didn't notice because vodka
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
