so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
