I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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