apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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