u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
