my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
