Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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