So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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