Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
