Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
