My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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