Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
