you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Pappa wants mamma naked
Soap is not a condiment
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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