I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
