I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
