When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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