Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
