bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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